It may take a village to raise a child, but it only takes one to destroy the fruits of their labour.
And most of the time, that ‘one’ is the child himself.
Or herself, in case anyone accuses me of being sexist.
Well, there you have it; the premise of what promises to be a story full of adventure, mystery, and flights of fancy.
Oh, and there’s also a happy ending. Why, you ask? Well, because we all deserve a little happiness sometimes.
I know the world sucks. I know reality bites, and it bites pretty darn hard, bleeding you out to dry.
But hey, don’t we wish all wish for an escape from the tragedies of life, perhaps just a few minutes to simply forget it all?
Start over? A clean slate?
Hell, we all want that. There comes a time when we look back and realise what a mess we’ve made.
We want change. Sadly, it is not always possible. Not for all of us, at least. Perhaps some lucky bastard might get his new lease on life, but not the rest of us.
Normal people. Walking the earth daily. Hoping for an escape.
So watch out. Here it comes.
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a young milkmaid. She was breathtakingly beautiful, for some odd reason that writers always fail to explain, so I guess I’ll do that as well. Well, there we have this really cute girl, and for an even odder reason, no one wants to marry her.
Not one single man or woman in the kingdom would go even near her.
Does she have some hidden monstrosity like an Octopussoir (big Drawn Together reference, just in case you didn’t get it), or is she perhaps a mean drunk who knows karate and beats her lovers to crap when they annoy her?
She was a gentle soul, always friendly and cheerful. Nothing suspicious (or man-eating) lay beneath her knickers. But still, she was alone.
At this point, everyone is probably clamouring to know why this obviously perfect maiden was akin to a leper in our society.
(I have nothing against lepers here, just pointing out that most people feel uncomfortable around them either through ignorance, prejudice, or because people are just plain mean)
Well, the simple reason is that she was. In her kingdom, beauty comes with a price. No one dares to marry her because they’re afraid someone else will steal her away.
Now, I guess you must be wondering why the people of this random kingdom were such idiots.
Or to put it in more polite terms, why did they have such low self-esteem?
Think of the most valuable thing you’ve ever owned. Perhaps it’s a teddy bear, if you’re a kid, or a Ferrari, if you’re some rich bastard. Good, now remember how you’re constantly worrying about it? Wondering where it was? Afraid someone would steal it if your back was turned? Feeling the paranoia overcome you until there was nothing you could do but spend the entire day guarding whatever it is?
Yes, we all have that experience.
And because the people in that country didn’t ever want to experience something like that, they simply rejected everything beautiful, precious, or expensive, and lived as simple farmers.
Smart, or dumb?
I have no idea, since I have never tried it out. Perhaps I should, some day. But I digress.
Now, back to the story. So this milkmaid spends her day growing older, knowing very well that she would probably die alone when her time comes.
Depressing much? Yes, I know. We’ll get to the happy part later.
One day, as she was milking her favourite cow Daisy, she sighed, “Dear Daisy, I wish I was as ugly as you are. Then men would be rushing to marry me. Sadly, I’m ridiculously beautiful, with no man by my side. Why does this happen? Fate is cruel indeed!”
She slumps to the ground, sobbing her poor heart out, as Daisy stood and watched, mooing occasionally. She had no idea what was going on, but thought that this weeping girl had better get back to easing the pressure in her, or she’s getting a kick in the rump very, very soon.
Of course, this maiden (whose name’s Mary, by the way) continued to cry, and received a kick in the rump which sent her sprawling into a pile of cow dung.
Moooo! Daisy mooed.
As Mary picked herself up and tried unsuccessfully to pick out the crap from her hair, she heard the sound of footsteps approaching.
She looked up. There, standing in front of her, was an about average-looking man. He was unshaven, had a beer belly, and smelt pretty bad.
“You look hideous enough. Will you be my wife?”
Mary was too shocked to answer, as her mouth fell open.
Which of course, was a bad idea, as crap immediately began dripping into it.
He dropped to one knee in front of her and reached out his hand, offering it to her.
Still in shock, but grinning widely now, Mary took his hand.
And they lived happily ever after.
See, there’s your happy ending.
Who cares if the story’s crappy?
Life doesn’t always give you what you expect, so don’t blame me if you go expecting some awesome, best-selling novel. Here, read Harry Potter instead.
Sometimes you wish for something better, but life throws a pile of crap right in your face. Or in Mary’s case, you get kicked into it.
But then again, we all get crap in this life. Every day. From bosses, co-workers, teachers, friends, even loved ones.
Do we break down and cry? If we did, we would be doing nothing else but that for the rest of our lives.
So instead, we get up, brush off that nasty comment, and move on. Yes, you might have a crappy apartment, or your boyfriend just ditched you, or whatever, but don’t let it get to you.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s always something better in the future, if you wait for it.
Look at Mary, and her pot-bellied, unshaven knight in shining armour.
Sometimes what we get might not be perfect, but it’s exactly what we need.
To get up. Move on. Leave that crappy place in our lives and start over.
Maybe be happy for once.
So stop your crying, your moaning, your weeping.
Think of Mary when you feel down. She found her happiness, and while it is not what we would want, it is her life.
She’s happy. And who she’s happy with is none of our darn business.
Take your noses out of people’s lives and start living your own.
Only then can you find happiness.
And that, I guess, is life. Unpredictable, isn’t it?
PS: The first sentence was just to get you interested. It has nothing to do with the story.
Image taken from here.
Jern Siong has no idea how or why he came up with this, but it was fun to write.