?Coming Out?: Gay Teenagers, in Their Own Words

[Dominic]

by Sarah Kramer

The suicide of Tyler Clementi, a Rutgers University freshman who jumped from the George Washington Bridge last year after discovering that his roommate had secretly streamed his romantic interlude with another man on the Internet, captured worldwide attention. In the wake of his death, stories of gay youths being bullied and taking their own lives proliferated.

The subsequent outpouring of concern from parents, educators and those who had survived bullying themselves inspired ?It Gets Better,? a campaign led by the columnist and author Dan Savage in which thousands of lesbian and gay adults shared their stories to assure all teenagers that society has a place for them.

Popular culture has reinforced this message of acceptance. For example, the hit TV show ?Glee? has had three storylines involving gay teenagers this season, including the matter-of-fact courtship, with rare onscreen same-sex kissing, of characters played by Chris Colfer and Darren Criss. Lady Gaga has countered the antigay rhetoric that many young people hear in their churches and communities with the song ?Born This Way,? increasing her already large fan base among gay and lesbian teenagers.

?The amount of attention that has been given to debates over L.G.B.T. issues in the last year is another sign of how deeply American society remains divided over L.G.B.T. issues,? said George Chauncey, a Yale University professor of 20th-century United States history and lesbian and gay history, referring to lesbians, gay men and bisexual and transgender people. ?And it has made it clear to young people just how much opposition remains.?

The New York Times embarked on the project ?Coming Out? as an effort to better understand this generation?s realities and expectations, and to give teenagers their own voice in the conversation.

The Times spoke with or e-mailed nearly 100 gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender teenagers from all of parts of the country ? from rural areas to urban centers, from supportive environments to hostile ones. The newspaper contacted them through various advocacy groups, as well as through social networking sites like YouTube, Twitter and Facebook.

The Trevor Project, which provides counseling to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youths in crisis, among other services, posted a call for teenagers to tell their stories to The Times, resulting in nearly 250 responses. At times, young people led The Times to others.

The youths who participated were in different phases of coming out: some had come out only to themselves, some to people in certain realms of their lives, some to only one trusted friend or family member. Some had come out to their family or community, and then, realizing they lacked the support they needed, rescinded the declaration ? and came out again a couple of years later. Others spoke of hating themselves in the process of accepting who they are.

Some flaunted their sexuality, while others adhered to traditional gender norms. In English, Ind., one boy said that when he first came out, he wore eyeliner and skinny jeans. ?But then when I stopped it and decided to be myself, it was like I no longer fit the stereotypes,? he said.

In the face of competing messages, lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youths just want to be teenagers. While they envision a world where they can get married and have doors open to them, they do not want to be defined by their sexuality, regardless of how they are received by their community. It is just one part of their identity.

As Kailey Jeanne Cox, 15, said in her story: ?I don?t want to have myself being seen by people as ?Oh, she?s ? she?s gay.? I want them to see me as ?Wow, she loves God, who cares what kind of people she likes? She is a Christian, she leads by example and she?s a wonderful person.? That?s what I want people to think when they see me.?

Or Joel Brimmerman, 17, who cannot wait for the day he can begin the physical transition to male from female, summed it up this way: ?I?d rather just get done with it and get on with my life. I mean, I have stuff to do besides transition.?

To read the various stories sent in, click on the link below:
http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2...T.mc_ev=click#

Some are touching. Some are heartbreaking. Some will probably make you burst into tears and cry at the atrocities in this world. But you have to read these stories. These brave teenagers, who are providing these honest, moving accounts of their own experiences coming out of the closet, needs to be read by all of you out there, regardless of whether you're gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, or transsexual. We need to learn, once and from all, that discrimination is not OK, that bullying is wrong, that it is not fun to make someone else's life a living hell. And we need to start now.

And by the way, my story is there too, if anyone wants to read it.

[iAdoreNaz]

Or Joel Brimmerman, 17, who cannot wait for the day he can begin the physical transition to male from female, summed it up this way: ?I?d rather just get done with it and get on with my life. I mean, I have stuff to do besides transition.?

I can't brain the one in BOLD.. @@.. ~

[Dominic]

Originally Posted by iAdoreNaz

I can't brain the one in BOLD.. @@.. ~

Basically, he's a guy born in a girl's body. He needs to under go certain procedures, including counselling, before he can actually have the sex-reassignment surgery.

[memotjrjr]

which one is harder? changing your physical appearance to suit the gender that you want or make the best of what God have given you. sorry for any grammar mistakes.

[Dominic]

Originally Posted by memotjrjr

which one is harder? changing your physical appearance to suit the gender that you want or make the best of what God have given you.

I would change that to the gender that you are because transsexuals are simply people born into the wrong body. But I'd like you to clarify further. How do you make best with what God has given you? Wouldn't you be living a lie? There are many Bible passages against lying or any form of deception, as you can see below:

Leviticus 6:1-4, "And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, If a soul sin, and commit a trespass against the LORD, and lie unto his neighbour?or hath deceived his neighbour?and lieth concerning it, and sweareth falsely; in any of all these that a man doeth, sinning therein: Then it shall be, because he hath sinned, and is guilty,"

Leviticus 19:11, "Ye shall not steal, neither deal falsely, neither lie one to another."

Job 11:3,5, "Should thy lies make men hold their peace? and when thou mockest, shall no man make thee ashamed? But oh that God would speak, and open his lips against thee;"

Job 13:4, "But ye are forgers of lies, ye are all physicians of no value."

Job 24:25, "...who will make me a liar, and make my speech nothing worth?"

Psalms 24:4-5, "He?who hath not?sworn deceitfully. He shall receive the blessing from the LORD,"

Psalms 31:6, "I have hated them that regard lying vanities: but I trust in the LORD."

Psalms 31:18, "Let the lying lips be put to silence;"

Psalms 40:4, "Blessed is that man that maketh the LORD his trust, and respecteth not the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies."

Psalms 52:2-4, "Thy tongue deviseth mischiefs; like a sharp razor, working deceitfully. Thou lovest evil more than good; and lying rather than to speak righteousness. Selah. Thou lovest all devouring words, O thou deceitful tongue."

Psalms 58:3, "The wicked are estranged from the womb: they go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies."

Psalms 59:12, "For the sin of their mouth and the words of their lips let them even be taken in their pride: and for cursing and lying which they speak."

Psalms 62:3-4, "? ye shall be slain all of you?they delight in lies: they bless with their mouth, but they curse inwardly."

Psalms 63:11, "...the mouth of them that speak lies shall be stopped."

Psalms 101:7, "He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight."

Psalms 109:2, "For the mouth of the wicked and the mouth of the deceitful are opened against me: they have spoken against me with a lying tongue."

Psalms 119:29, "Remove from me the way of lying: and grant me thy law graciously."

Psalms 119:69, "The proud have forged a lie against me: but I will keep thy precepts with my whole heart."

Psalms 119:163, "I hate and abhor lying: but thy law do I love."

Psalms 120:2, "Deliver my soul, O LORD, from lying lips, and from a deceitful tongue."

Proverbs 6:16-19, "These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren."

Proverbs 8:7, "For my mouth shall speak truth; and wickedness is an abomination to my lips."

Proverbs 10:18, "He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool."

Proverbs 12:19, "The lip of truth shall be established for ever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment."

Proverbs 12:22, "Lying lips are abomination to the LORD: but they that deal truly are his delight."

Proverbs 13:5, "A righteous man hateth lying: but a wicked man is loathsome, and cometh to shame."

Proverbs 14:5, "A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies."

Proverbs 14:25, "A true witness delivereth souls: but a deceitful witness speaketh lies."

Proverbs 17:4, "A wicked doer giveth heed to false lips; and a liar giveth ear to a naughty tongue."

Proverbs 17:7, "Excellent speech becometh not a fool: much less do lying lips a prince."

Proverbs 19:5, "A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he that speaketh lies shall not escape."

Proverbs 19:9, "A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he that speaketh lies shall perish."

Proverbs 19:22, "The desire of a man is his kindness: and a poor man is better than a liar."

Proverbs 21:6, "The getting of treasures by a lying tongue is a vanity tossed to and fro of them that seek death."

Proverbs 26:28, "A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin."

Proverbs 29:12, "If a ruler hearken to lies, all his servants are wicked."

Proverbs 30:6, "Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar."

Proverbs 30:8, "Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me:"

Isaiah 28:15,17, "Because ye have said, We have made a covenant with death, and with hell are we at agreement;?for we have made lies our refuge, and under falsehood have we hid ourselvesthe hail shall sweep away the refuge of lies, and the waters shall overflow the hiding place."

Isaiah 30:9, "That this is a rebellious people, lying children, children that will not hear the law of the LORD:"

Isaiah 32:7, "The instruments also of the churl are evil: he deviseth wicked devices to destroy the poor with lying words, even when the needy speaketh right."

Isaiah 44:24-25, "?I am the LORD?That frustrateth the tokens of the liars, and maketh diviners mad;"

Isaiah 59:2-4, "But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear. For?your lips have spoken lies, your tongue hath muttered perverseness...they trust in vanity, and speak lies; "

Isaiah 59:12-13, "For our transgressions are multiplied before thee, and our sins testify against us: for our transgressions are with us; and as for our iniquities, we know them; In transgressing and lying against the LORD, and departing away from our God, speaking oppression and revolt, conceiving and uttering from the heart words of falsehood."

Isaiah 63:8, "For he said, Surely they are my people, children that will not lie: so he was their Saviour."

Jeremiah 7:4, "Trust ye not in lying words,"

Jeremiah 7:8-9, "Behold, ye trust in lying words, that cannot profit. Will ye?swear falsely?and walk after other gods??"

Jeremiah 9:3, "And they bend their tongues like their bow for lies: but they are not valiant for the truth upon the earth; for they proceed from evil to evil, and they know not me, saith the LORD."

Jeremiah 9:5, "And they will deceive every one his neighbour, and will not speak the truth: they have taught their tongue to speak lies, and weary themselves to commit iniquity."

Jeremiah 14:14, "Then the LORD said unto me, The prophets prophesy lies in my name: I sent them not, neither have I commanded them, neither spake unto them: they prophesy unto you a false vision and divination, and a thing of nought, and the deceit of their heart."

Jeremiah 15:18, "Why is my pain perpetual, and my wound incurable, which refuseth to be healed? wilt thou be altogether unto me as a liar, and as waters that fail?"

Jeremiah 16:19, "...Surely our fathers have inherited lies, vanity, and things wherein there is no profit."

Jeremiah 23:14, "I have seen also in the prophets of Jerusalem an horrible thing: they commit adultery, and walk in lies:"

Jeremiah 23:26, "How long shall this be in the heart of the prophets that prophesy lies? yea, they are prophets of the deceit of their own heart;"

Jeremiah 23:32, "Behold, I am against them that prophesy false dreams, saith the LORD, and do tell them, and cause my people to err by their lies, and by their lightness; yet I sent them not, nor commanded them: therefore they shall not profit this people at all, saith the LORD."

Jeremiah 27:10, "For they prophesy a lie unto you, to remove you far from your land; and that I should drive you out, and ye should perish."

Jeremiah 29:23, "Because they have committed villany in Israel, and have committed adultery with their neighbours' wives, and have spoken lying words in my name, which I have not commanded them; even I know, and am a witness, saith the LORD."

Ezekiel 13:8, "Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD; Because ye have spoken vanity, and seen lies, therefore, behold, I am against you, saith the Lord GOD."

Ezekiel 13:19, "And will ye pollute me among my people for handfuls of barley and for pieces of bread, to slay the souls that should not die, and to save the souls alive that should not live, by your lying to my people that hear your lies?"

Ezekiel 13:22-23, "Because with lies ye have made the heart of the righteous sad, whom I have not made sad; and strengthened the hands of the wicked, that he should not return from his wicked way, by promising him life: Therefore ye shall see no more vanity, nor divine divinations: for I will deliver my people out of your hand: and ye shall know that I am the LORD."

Ezekiel 22:28, "And her prophets have daubed them with untempered morter, seeing vanity, and divining lies unto them, saying, Thus saith the Lord GOD, when the LORD hath not spoken."

Ezekiel 24:12, "She hath wearied herself with lies, and her great scum went not forth out of her: her scum shall be in the fire."

Daniel 11:27, "?and they shall speak lies at one table; but it shall not prosper:"

Hosea 4:2, "By swearing, and lying?they break out and blood toucheth blood."

Hosea 7:3, "They make the king glad with their wickedness, and the princes with their lies."

Hosea 10:13, "Ye have plowed wickedness, ye have reaped iniquity; ye have eaten the fruit of lies: because thou didst trust in thy way, in the multitude of thy mighty men."

Jonah 2:8, "They that observe lying vanities forsake their own mercy."

Micah 6:12-13, "?the inhabitants thereof have spoken lies, and their tongue is deceitful in their mouth. Therefore also will I make thee sick in smiting thee, in making thee desolate because of thy sins."

Nahum 3:1, "Woe to the bloody city! it is all full of lies"

Zephaniah 3:13, "The remnant of Israel shall not do iniquity, nor speak lies; neither shall a deceitful tongue be found in their mouth:"

Zechariah 8:16, "These are the things that ye shall do; Speak ye every man the truth to his neighbour;"

Zechariah 13:3, "...Thou shalt not live; for thou speakest lies in the name of the LORD: "

Malachi 2:6, "The law of truth was in his mouth, and iniquity was not found in his lips:"

Matthew 15:19, "For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts?false witness?These are the things which defile a man: "

John 8:44, "Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it."

Acts 5:3, "...why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost, "

Acts 26:25, "But he [Paul] said, I am not mad, most noble Festus; but speak forth the words of truth and soberness."

Romans 1:24-25, "?through the lusts of their own hearts?Who changed the truth of God into a lie,"

Romans 9:1, "I say the truth in Christ, I lie not,"

2 Corinthians 11:31, "The God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which is blessed for evermore, knoweth that I lie not."

Galatians 1:20, "Now the things which I write unto you, behold, before God, I lie not."

Ephesians 4:25, "Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another."

Colossians 3:9, "Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds;"

1 Timothy 1:9-10, "?the law is not made for a righteous man, but?for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;"

1 Timothy 2:7, "Whereunto I am ordained a preacher, and an apostle, (I speak the truth in Christ, and lie not)"

1 Timothy 4:2, "Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;"

James 3:14, "But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth."

Titus 1:2, "...God?cannot lie, "

Hebrews 6:18, "...in which it was impossible for God to lie, "

1 John 1:6, "If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth:"

1 John 2:4, "He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him."

1 John 2:21, "I have not written unto you because ye know not the truth, but because ye know it, and that no lie is of the truth."

1 John 2:22, "Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son."

1 John 2:27, "But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him."

1 John 4:20, "If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?"

Revelation 2:2, "?thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars:"

Revelation 3:9, "Behold, I will make them of the synagogue of Satan, which?do lie;"

Revelation 21:8, "?and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone:"

Revelation 21:27, "And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb's book of life."

Revelation 22:14-15, "Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. For without are?whosoever loveth and maketh a lie."

I am not used to arguing with religion, and I usually prefer not to, since it's rather controversial. I prefer structuring my arguments around morals and ethics.

Another thing. If say, a person is born blind, crippled or afflicted with a form of disability or another, would you then tell that person not to do anything to alleviate his or her problem, and instead make best with what he or she is given? Should a cure be invented for blindness or deafness, would you insist that those born with it should not be allowed to have the cure, since God wanted them that way? Personally, I believe in a loving and accepting God, not one who condemns innocent people to suffering. If there is a way for them to change themselves for the better, then I don't see why God would forbid it.

God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. (NLT, 1 John 4:16)

[Jcm_39]

Another thing. If say, a person is born blind, crippled or afflicted with a form of disability or another, would you then tell that person not to do anything to alleviate his or her problem, and instead make best with what he or she is given? Should a cure be invented for blindness or deafness, would you insist that those born with it should not be allowed to have the cure, since God wanted them that way? Personally, I believe in a loving and accepting God, not one who condemns innocent people to suffering. If there is a way for them to change themselves for the better, then I don't see why God would forbid it.

I think it's wrong to equate physical disabilities like that with genders. You are never born in a wrong body.

[dcwk04]

The grass is greener on the other side?

I always hear of male-- >female but never the other way around. I don't think there is any available corrective surgery to, you know, "add on".

But don't you think its a psychological condition? Unless you can genetically proove that you are otherwise what your body says you are, I don't think corrective surgery (read: transexual) is the way to go. Or else, saying "Oh I'm a girl trapped in a guys body" is like saying "Oh I'm a giant lizard trapped in a human body" and proceed to undergo lizard transformative surgery. Also, you speak of a "cure" as if physical gender is something thathat needs to be "cured". I think its the mental state that needs curing!

When you say "people born into the wrong body" and then bring up the subject of God and religion. Ok, some people believe that people are born blind, handicapped, congenital diseases etc because God is testing them, or because God is just plain "unfair", or the sins of their forefathers. Everyone ascribes to a different belief. But to suggest that God accidentally put the wrong soul/mind into the wrong body? Then God would just be cruel.

Plus in Malaysia and most parts of the world, you don't get much respect as a transexual. So, one reason they want to change sex is to be happier. How do you be happier when you further ostrasize yourself from the community other than spending thousands on surgery and more $$$ on a lifelong dependency on hormornal treatment.

Do explain!

[Dominic]

Originally Posted by Jcm_39

I think it's wrong to equate physical disabilities like that with genders. You are never born in a wrong body.

Please back up your statement with facts. How do you know that people are never born in the wrong body? Simply because you weren't? I'm sorry to tell you that there are many people born into the wrong body. Let me ask you something; have you ever, in your life, spoken to a transsexual? Have you ever asked them how they feel? If the answer is no, then you shouldn't be making conclusions like that.

Originally Posted by dcwk04

The grass is greener on the other side?

I always hear of male-- >female but never the other way around. I don't think there is any available corrective surgery to, you know, "add on".

I never said that.

And yes, there is. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_reassignment_surgery

Originally Posted by dcwk04

But don't you think its a psychological condition? Unless you can genetically proove that you are otherwise what your body says you are, I don't think corrective surgery (read: transexual) is the way to go. Or else, saying "Oh I'm a girl trapped in a guys body" is like saying "Oh I'm a giant lizard trapped in a human body" and proceed to undergo lizard transformative surgery. Also, you speak of a "cure" as if physical gender is something that needs to be "cured". I think its the mental state that needs curing!

You are making statements without backing them up with facts. Try doing some more research before commenting. There is NO cure for gender identity disorder.

I will say this. People only go for sex-reassignment surgeries because they are transsexuals. Why else would they do that, may I ask?

Originally Posted by dcwk04

When you say "people born into the wrong body" and then bring up the subject of God and religion. Ok, some people believe that people are born blind, handicapped, congenital diseases etc because God is testing them, or because God is just plain "unfair", or the sins of their forefathers. Everyone ascribes to a different belief. But to suggest that God accidentally put the wrong soul/mind into the wrong body? Then God would just be cruel.

I brought up the subject of God because the previous person did, not because I wanted to. The only way to argue with religion is with religion, since religious people don't subscribe to anything else. And if you consider being born in the wrong body cruel, isn't being born without eyes, ears, feet etc as bad? And what about the natural disasters happening recently, that claimed hundreds of lives around the world?

Originally Posted by dcwk04

Plus in Malaysia and most parts of the world, you don't get much respect as a transexual. So, one reason they want to change sex is to be happier. How do you be happier when you further ostrasize yourself from the community other than spending thousands on surgery and more $$$ on a lifelong dependency on hormornal treatment.

Again, I shall repeat my question. Have you ever, in your entire life, spoken to a transsexual, or someone who has had sex-reassignment surgery? If not, then stop making biased conclusions. I have met many in the course of my life and most of them expressed happiness after they have successfully undergone the surgery. They are already ostracized from the community before the surgery. Afterwards, it gets better. They are no longer living a lie.

*

I currently do not have the time to type out a more detailed reply due to exams so you shall have to be content with this. If you have more questions, I'll answer them two weeks later. But please, do some research on the topic first.

[Jcm_39]

Please back up your statement with facts.

You too.

How do you know that people are never born in the wrong body? Simply because you weren't? I'm sorry to tell you that there are many people born into the wrong body. Let me ask you something; have you ever, in your life, spoken to a transsexual? Have you ever asked them how they feel? If the answer is no, then you shouldn't be making conclusions like that.

And how do you know people are born in the wrong body? Did they tell you? Or you "feel" like you are in the wrong body? There's no such thing as people born in the wrong body. That's just a mere excuse for people to justify their actions. It's too common.

In my life although I'm younger than you, then yes, I have spoken to one. But no, I have not asked him how he feels. It might be rude because I'm not that close with him. However, it's not too difficult to know since their stories and feelings are all over the internet and all over the world. It isn't that hard to understand.

[Dominic]

Originally Posted by Jcm_39

You too.

Sure.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transsexualism

Originally Posted by Jcm_39

And how do you know people are born in the wrong body? Did they tell you? Or you "feel" like you are in the wrong body? There's no such thing as people born in the wrong body. That's just a mere excuse for people to justify their actions. It's too common.

Yes, they did. And no, I'm not. I'm gay, not transsexual. There's a difference.