Discussion: How to be good friends with those of the opposite gender?

[CelineD]

Hmm...seems like the topic is becoming 'how many friends do we have on FB'. LOL!

Personally I have about 360 friends...from there around 80 percent are people that I know or have known in real life. The number is due to the 'have known' people -- you know, ex-schoolmates, friends of siblings or friends, people you meet in camps etc.

I'd read somewhere that we can at most have 150 people who we can interact in real life to a somewhat personal level...so the 1k plus thing is adding people who we interact online I guess, such as adding other Recomers for instance?

Back to topic, and adding a twist to the original question:
How do we set good boundaries in opposite sex friendships? And are we to be vocal and direct about it?

Your opinions please

[Nicholasng925]

Originally Posted by vseehua

I clean up my list ruthlessly... Anyone that I don't really know personally will end up being kicked sooner or later...

Great! I think I should start doing that when I'm free. A lot of them are so happened to be my friends that I met before at least once through random events. I didn't delete them cause I still remember them but perhaps they forgotten me. Hmm...

Originally Posted by CelineD

Back to topic, and adding a twist to the original question:
How do we set good boundaries in opposite sex friendships? And are we to be vocal and direct about it?

I've no idea. Just be a normal friend to them and nothing shall happen. If a a guy so happened to like you, tell him that you want to focus in your study first if you don't feel like having any relationship or just treating him as a normal friend.

[Dman90]

Boundaries, as in feelings and emotions? Well I guess it's always difficult when feelings become involved in a friendship. One party will always end up hurt, while the other will feel guilty and things just get awkward between the two of you.

It's best to be direct about it, no point beating around the bush as that'll only make things worse eventually, if you drag things along. If you find that you are getting that type of attention, I've always believed that talking things through will sort it out. Be clear about what you expect and do not expect from the relationship between you two.

Then again that's just what I think. Everyone has different ways of dealing with this

[vampiric_guy_01]

haha... i've around 800 + friends in FB .. dunno who to delete too.. although some i don't really knew them but cos they're my juniors so i added them ... XD

Despite the friends we have in FB , we should really have true friends in the true life and also we know how to differentiate between reality and network ... and try not involve in emotional affair in the network aka EA (where you online just to wait for somebody to chat which u don't even know him/ her actually...)

Originally Posted by Dman90

Boundaries, as in feelings and emotions? Well I guess it's always difficult when feelings become involved in a friendship. One party will always end up hurt, while the other will feel guilty and things just get awkward between the two of you.

It's best to be direct about it, no point beating around the bush as that'll only make things worse eventually, if you drag things along. If you find that you are getting that type of attention, I've always believed that talking things through will sort it out. Be clear about what you expect and do not expect from the relationship between you two.

Then again that's just what I think. Everyone has different ways of dealing with this

yup.. i also agree ... be direct and straight forward will reduce the impact but still can be friends.... as long as the opposite side understands what you want.... but it may take a period of time

[nickvl]

Originally Posted by CelineD

Back to topic, and adding a twist to the original question:
How do we set good boundaries in opposite sex friendships? And are we to be vocal and direct about it?

Your opinions please

What exactly do you mean by good boundaries? Is it the way you act around guys or the boundary between platonic relationships and romantic ones?

[joan2468]

I'm at a co-ed school right now (have been sharing classrooms with boys since year 4 lol) and most people in my class mix around quite comfortably regardless of gender and race (but the cliques are still there), and I find it quite enjoyable.

I find that with boys it's best that you talk about things that both of you can relate to - I'm an avid gamer, so it is a little easier for me, but there's still a bunch of other topics you can explore - nothing to do with clothes though, and if you want to gossip with them you need to gossip about something he'd actually care about in the first place. One of my most trustworthy friends is a guy, and I find that I can talk to him about most anything.

[CelineD]

Originally Posted by nickvl

What exactly do you mean by good boundaries? Is it the way you act around guys or the boundary between platonic relationships and romantic ones?

The latter...because cases of people falling in love with their best friend is so common, especially around close friends. Not that it's wrong, but when one isn't ready for a relationship...

As for the way we act around guys...Dudes reading this, what do you think about flirty girls? Nicely naughty or can't stand 'em?

[Young]

Originally Posted by CelineD

The latter...because cases of people falling in love with their best friend is so common, especially around close friends. Not that it's wrong, but when one isn't ready for a relationship...

As for the way we act around guys...Dudes reading this, what do you think about flirty girls? Nicely naughty or can't stand 'em?

I actually like hints of flirtiness/cheekiness/playfulness in a girl, and I'm sure most guys will agree with me. I think it's because the pre-requisite for flirting is being comfortable with oneself. That's the hallmark of a confident person... and confidence is sexy.

And on an unrelated note, being in love with your best friend feels amazing.

[Nicholasng925]

Originally Posted by CelineD

The latter...because cases of people falling in love with their best friend is so common, especially around close friends. Not that it's wrong, but when one isn't ready for a relationship...

As for the way we act around guys...Dudes reading this, what do you think about flirty girls? Nicely naughty or can't stand 'em?

I don't really like flirty girls. Hints are acceptable, but flirt with guys openly is deemed unacceptable to me.

[nickvl]

Originally Posted by CelineD

The latter...because cases of people falling in love with their best friend is so common, especially around close friends. Not that it's wrong, but when one isn't ready for a relationship...

As for the way we act around guys...Dudes reading this, what do you think about flirty girls? Nicely naughty or can't stand 'em?

If you're not ready, don't respond then. Act like normal and still be friends. Unless the person voices out his/her feelings, then you would have to be clear where you stand. If you're not ready or you don't feel that way about them, make it clear and don't give any false hopes. If you want to pursue it, think of the consequences first. Because if it doesn't work out, your relationship won't be the same like before anymore.

As for the latter, I wouldn't really know but while I think no guy will turn away a flirty girl, privately they wouldn't really respect her as a person. Of course, this is just my two cents.

Then again, flirtatiousness is rather subjective.